ENTERTAINMENT - Sh*t My Dad Says is a Twitter page wherein Justin Halpern, a 29 year old man in the USA posts quotes from his 74 year old father who lives with him. The quotes are so humourous and popular that CBS is now turning it into a TV pilot starring William Shatner as the father.
Here is a few sample quotes from the Twitter feed:
"Stop trying so hard. He doesn't like you. Jesus, don't kiss an ass if it's in the process of shitting on you."
“It’s Los Angeles, son. It’s the epicenter of the asshole earthquake. They’d fuck you twice if they had another dick.”
"Waking up when you got a baby, you feel like you drank a bottle of whiskey the night before, except the shit's in someone else's pants."
"I didn't say you were ugly. I said your girlfriend is better looking than you, and standing next to her, you look ugly."
"Don't ask for my opinion then. I said congrats on the car, just saying nobody's panties are getting wet from a fucking Honda Accord."
"War hero? No. I was a doc in Vietnam. My job was to say "This is what happens when you screw a hooker, kid. Put this cream on your pecker."
"HIDDEN roaming charges? Jesus, Sprint has 'fucking people' down to a science, like they practice it in a fucking lab on mice first."
"Science and Mother Nature are in a marriage where Science is always surprised to come home and find Mother Nature blowing the neighbor."
"Don't mess with him...Trust me, you don't fuck with a man that sleeps next to a woman he never screws. They're unpredictable."
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